You tube and some junk

Wow, I got really bold today and wrote a title before I wrote my blog entry, I usually don't know what the hell I'm gonna end up writing about, so I typically would wait until after I'm done writing to do the title, but today after watching community Channel's new video on You Tube I was just so inspired that I knew that you tube would be all that I would want to write about... unless I decided to go off on a rant... so that is why I added the "and some junk" bit... I'm always one step ahead of myself. HA!

Okay, so as I mentioned, I just watched a video on You tube by a very talented/super cool video blogger named Natalie, and it totally made me want to give video blogging another go. (And also it made me want to speak... and write apparently, like an Aussie... Natalie [or nat as I would call her if we were BFFs] is Australian). I don't imagine that I could ever hope to make a video as good even as Natalie's crappiest video, but yeah, You Tube is pretty neat. There are a lot of amusing videos on there, and I bet a lot more people watch videos on you tube than read blogs on blogger... not that I need people to pay attention to me, but I would feel so honored and cool if I could inspire someone else to do something creative or expressive the way that Natalie insipres me. She really lites a spark under my ass... plus it's always cool to put something out there that other people think is cool. There have been a few instances in my life where I did things that other people thought were cool.

... I remember this one time when I was in college there was a professor who was was giving an audtion lecture to my C++ class in hopes of being hired as a computer science teacher at my school. At the end of the lecture we had to write a review of the profesorial candidate's lesson, so I wrote some generic things about how he seemd to know his stuff and then I filled the rest of my card front and back with a commentary on how it would have felt to be the dry erase marker that the professoral candidate had used, 'cause he really banged the shit out of that marker agaginst the whiteboard while he was writing.... so anyway, the next day after our actual c++ professor had read through our review cards she said how funny she thought the card about the marker was and it had made her laugh and stuff and then she went around the room and was like "Lyall did you write that?" and he was like "no" and she asked a few other people and of coarse she never suspected that the quite girl in the corner migh have a sense of humor and I never said it was my card, 'cause I didn't wanna seem arrogant or anything, but it always makes me feel good about myself when people like the things I've written... not good enough to sit down and actually write something publishable, but yeah, as with most people, I really appreciate being appreciated....

and I really really appreciate Community Channel Natlie. She is probably my biggest hero right now... 'cause she makes kick ass videos AAAnd, she is an art student and seems to be quite good at it and she seems really down to earth and not arrogant and... oh yeah... she is GORGEOUS!!! So basically I have a bit of a crush on her (not like I would throw her down and do her, but like I might fly to Austrailia and stalk her if she ever stops posting new videos on You Tube 'cause that's how hooked I am on her stunning good looks and cunning wit... just kidding... OR AM I?!?!... well I definately am not kidding about the good looks and wit, but I am too cheap to fly out to Australia and stalk her, so probably not gonna do that), but all of that aside, I still just really enjoy watching her videos because even if she was ugly they entertain me and make me smile and I would like to do that for people too... Hmm I really seem to be on some kind of a hard core self expression kick lately. I think I spent a few months this year just not really expressing myself and yeah, it made me feel icky and lazy.

Plus with you tube and myspace and blogger to a lesser degree, it is a chance for me to (hopefully) document for all the nay sayers, that I am not a lame ass and I actually do have some wit sometimes. A lot of people probably just take me to be a boring blob, and most of the time they are right, but I would like to document... er recreate and enhance those moments when I do pull a funny thought out of my ass.... 'cause I know for a fact that some people don't believe it... like one time I was talking with my Uncle (my dad's brother) and he said that my cousins (not his kids, but my dad's sister's kids) had told him that I was funny and he seemed to be a little skeptical of that notion, so yeah I happen to think that my uncle is HI-larious, and so I really want him to think that I am a humerous person too, but unfortunately in high pressure situations I am lucky if I can get my brain to fire off any sort of audible sound at all(... or if I do speak up, the things I say always end up sounding bitchy or pretentious and then I feel guilty for weeks and months and years afterwords...) and I usually feel pressured around anyone that I think has any sort of expectation of me, so yeah, I have probably said about 12-14 sentences to my uncle in my whole life and it's really sad that I can't talk to the people that I don't know that well 'cause most people (understandably) don't have the patience to wait for me to loosen the fuck up with them. Geeze I really need to work on my social anxiety. People always ask me what I'm so afraid of when it comes to talking to other people... but I really don't know, partially I guess I'm afraid that I'll say something stupid and never be forgiven for it, but mostly I think it's just that I want so badly to have something to say that I get lost in the search for the right words...