Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Do not eat me

About 1.5 hours ago I decided to eat 1.5 yVes soy dogs despite the slimy whitish film that seemed to have formed over them... I was hungry and I saw the slime and kind of though "eww... maybe I shouldn't eat that..." but then I said to myself "how could I waste such a perfect vegan low calorie high protein snack ?...Y Vyes I think I will have a couple slimy hot dogs"... so guess how I feel right now! bleeah...

I think that I have learned a valuable lesson today about eating slimy foods that are not supposed to be slimy... Their package said that they were best by 10/7/09, so I figured I still had a solid 2 weeks, but maybe I should trust the appearance of the food over the date on the packaging... the solid nasty smelling glob of cream that I threw away yesterday said that it was good until tomorrow... but it didn't fool me... somehow the slime on the hot dogs was more ambiguous though... I couldn't remember if there was always slime on them or not... they did seem grosser than normal... but to be perfectly honest soy dogs are pretty far down on my preferred proteins list... and the package didn't say anything about how quickly the dogs were to be consumed once the package was opened... so I figured if there was some urgent rush to eat these soy dogs after the initial breaking of the seal, then they would clearly state it somewhere on the label... My stomach tells me that I assumed wrong however... and the answer to the quirie about how long is too long for the open package of soy dogs to be hanging out in the fridge would be some number less than 10 days ...

... but I was just this young naive kid 1.5 hours ago... I didn't know the horrible feeling my tummy would have if I ate slimey soy dogs... back then I had even foolishly thought it was a good idea to compensate for the sliminess of the hot dogs (and the lack of ketchup or mustard at my office) by putting mayonnaise on them... "MAYONAISE ? on a hot dog ? !" you might say...and you'd be exactly right... mayonaise does not belong on hot dogs. I know that now... and I fully regret my decision at this point. It seems that covering 1 white slimy substance with another white slimy substance does not actually cancel out the effects of the first white slimy substance... I think in fact the addition of the second white slime may have amplified the nasty feeling in my stomach right now... 'cause now the slimy bacteria that were living on the hot dog can happily wallow in the nice pillowy comfort of the mayonnaise and reproduce like crazy... My tummy feels like a Holiday Inn for diseasey bacteria right now. YAY!

Anyway, I thought I should put the word out about not eating slimy hot dogs just in case there was someone else out there that might go ahead and eat them anyway... and also if I suddenly keel over tonight and die there will be a clue as to what might have caused that. I don't Blame Yves.... they probably should say how long you have to eat their soy things once you open them... but they probably figure there is no one stupid or gross enough to eat a slimy hot dog... guess they didn't figure on me... although I do deserve a small pat on the head for a tiny bit of brain power 'cause I initially microwaved 3 slimey hot dogs but I only ate 1.5 of them, so I guess maybe I'm not completely stupid... just half dumb... 'cause it did eventually dawn on me that the nasty taste and texture was worse than the usual experience that accompanies inadequately sauced soy products.

hmm they have a 1-800 # on the Yves package... I am half tempted to call and ask if I'm going to die... but that would entail making a non work related call ... and if you've read all of my blog entries you probably know how I feel about that...

So to sum up soy dog + slime = DO NOT EAT ME !

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